Alone With Everybody

the flesh covers the bone

and they put a mind

in there and

sometimes a soul,

and the women break

vases against the walls

and the men drink too

much

and nobody finds the

one

but keep

looking

crawling in and out

of beds.

flesh covers

the bone and the

flesh searches

for more than

flesh.

 

there’s no chance

at all:

we are all trapped

by a singular

fate.

 

nobody ever finds

the one.

 

the city dumps fill

the junkyards fill

the madhouses fill

the hospitals fill

the graveyards fill

 

nothing else

fills.

 

Charles Bukowski (1920-1994)

Noch bist du da

Wirf deine Angst
in die Luft

Bald
ist deine Zeit um
bald
wächst der Himmel
unter dem Gras
fallen deine Träume
ins Nirgends

Noch
duftet die Nelke
singt die Drossel
noch darfst du lieben
Worte verschenken
noch bist du da

Sei was du bist
Gib was du hast

 

Rose Ausländer (1901-1988)

 

Die Übersetzung ins Spanische (la traducción en castellano):

https://elmatallana.com/2015/10/29/aun-estas-ahi/

Las capicúas de tu ausencia

Agosto06/08

 

Una

 

En el laberinto de nieblas circulares

donde me arrastré después de tu desprecio

sentí tu ausencia hacerse tiempo

a mi voluntad volverse arena

 

sufrí el dolor de la existencia

preso de aquello que ha pasado

viví el momento desolado

escribiendo en los muros nimiedades

 

Dos

 

Ese mínimo instante

cuando todo fue eterno

se ha perdido

 

no creemos

lo sabemos

 

en tu ausencia he sido ungido

con este bello pretexto

por cuanto encaro la muerte

 

Tres

 

¿Cuántos besos puede soportar el recuerdo?

¿Cuánta caricia?

 

tu cuerpo

fue mi puerto

 

nada del faro de tu sonrisa

sólo este triste mar muerto

 

Cuatro

 

Nunca escuché tus palabras

siquiera en la despedida

te formaste a la medida

de mis mentiras soñadas

 

sólo tu voz gemida

fue tu verdad declarada

 

tu erótica y triste herida

por mí jamás fue curada

 

yo vi el abismo de tu huida

sin amar enamorada

 

Cinco

 

El amor no es una cometa

aunque a ratos entretiene

ni se suelta lo que se tiene

ni se hala lo que se suelta

 

si hoy tal vez me desea

mañana quizá se abstiene

 

ya he cortado la cuerda

para volar a mi suerte:

 

mi único cielo sin ella

es el vacío y la muerte

 

Seis

 

Despierta, dormida

en mi abrazo sedienta

desnuda, vestida

con las piernas abiertas

 

besada, mordida

húmeda, sangrienta

plácida, dolida

satisfecha y hambrienta

 

ausente, sin vida

desearte es mi afrenta

 

Siete

 

¿Qué fui?

¿Qué fuimos?

 

Hoy finalmente partimos

por nuestra boda de ausencia

 

más allá de la existencia

en el lugar donde jamás vivimos

y en la nostalgia de lo que perdimos

mi amor ocurre sin ti

 

Ocho

 

Nada es eterno, aún el mismo ser

empieza mas acaba, muere si nacido

 

tu voz hoy sólo un eco de aquello dicho ayer

mi voz un sordo canto, triste, solo, sin sentido

 

Nueve

 

No tengo nada

El viento sólo es polvo en mi vista lacrimosa

 

Bajo la luna, como un faro de tu náufrago recuerdo,

mi racimo de palabras se ha podrido de maduro

 

No tengo nada

Estoy buscando el alma en seis versos de esta hoja

 

 

El Matallana

Escepticemia

Agosto 21/04

Decía : “No creo”
mas soy devoto del Futuro

Alabo el instante próximo
ese segundo que sigue
cuando la existencia cambia
y se vive algo milagrosamente sublime

Mañana:

una luz cegará o segará todo
morirá la sed de siempre
se escucharán las voces confesoras del universo

la vida
¡oh vida !
me hinchará con una belleza inusitada
desconocida aurora
renovadora
suceso entre los sucesos

y danzaré alegre ante lo nulo
porque pronto llegará a mi encuentro
caduco e ininteligible
eco de una sola respuesta.

 

El Matallana

Why Colombians are so happy?

Lately I am been hearing again that Colombian people are happy. I hear people repeating that Colombia is the second happiest country in the world after Costa “Rrrica”… I never take time to see how those rankings are made or if they really make sense but whenever people talk about them I remember my life in Colombia, Germany and Peru, and ask myself where people looked happier to me.

According to my personal experience, most of Colombian people are happy even if they are not happy. I have observed and luckily also experienced that happiness in Colombia is not a project but a disposition, an attitude rather than a desired circumstance. It is like dancing Salsa in Cali.

Most of the people from Cali dance even if they do not know how to do it and eventually they become pretty decent dancers or even professional dancers. They take music and dancing as a way to express themselves, relate with others and enjoy life. They do not care that much about doing the proper step at the proper time because they are busy transforming the rhythm and the emotions and thoughts that come with the music into movement. That is why everyone dances differently there, even when they do the same basic things: To transform music into movement they let the songs bring out their personality. They move in the way they feel the music in that particular moment, beyond the repetition of a correct set of steps and turns… I have seen many people from other countries worried about how to dance in the correct way but not worried about how to be themselves and break free through dance like the caleños “naturally” do it. When you grow up in Cali you can see if people are feeling what they dance or just repeating a nice choreography to look well and say to themselves: “I am dancing well”. But even if they do dance well you tend to reject the sight of it and look in the dancing floor for other couple that is dancing in a maybe not so impressive way but full of joy and flavor (“¡sabor!”)…

So these statements about how happy Colombians are have helped me to reflect about happiness and make me believe that I am happy because I decide to be so rather than because I do or have some special set of things. I dance simply when I dance (on my own way) and not only when I dance well. I told to a German friend once, as we were in an improvised party on one of the main streets of Cali: “Hier hat Tanzen nichts mit Leistung zu tun, kein Stress!” (“Dancing here does not have anything to do with performance, relax!”). The same may apply to happiness, what do you think?

El Matallana

Deep

Feel my heart burning

deep inside… yearning

I know it is coming…

 

A fettered heart, waking

a tainted youth, fading

leave it all behind

 

Delirious again

mesmerise my senses

souls entwine one more time

 

All our times will come

searching oblivion

leaving nothing but the memories of

all the things you give

they’re all you’ll leave behind

within their minds…

 

Open laughter held in distant days

eternal stars have changed

I know that it can’t be the same

there’s no lament for you tonight…

 

Feel my heart burning

Deep inside… yearning

I know it is coming…

 

All our times will come

searching oblivion

leaving nothing but the memories of

all the things you give

they’re all you’ll leave behind

within their minds…

 

…And time recedes every day

you can search your soul but you won’t see

as we pass ever on and away

towards some blank infinity

 

Anathema (Judgement -1999)